by Kip, on Thu Jun 4, 2009 11:12am PDT 18 Report Abuse What famous father does yours resemble? Is your father like George H.W. Bush, dependable, consistent, and rule-enforcing? Perhaps your dad is more like John F. Kennedy or Teddy Roosevelt who were laid-back and encouraged risk-taking or like Martin Luther King, Jr., who was a father who wanted to make a better world for his children. Or finally, your father might be like Bill Gates who limits his children’s time on computers and other media to foster their thinking skills and creativity.
For some, Father’s Day is a time to celebrate the good relationship they have with their fathers. Others, who have absent fathers or fathers who hurt them deeply, find Father’s Day difficult. Some people have mixed feelings about their dads but would like to know how to show appreciation for them. This article can help you understand how your father operates and how to get along with him better.
Fathers come in four different temperaments. These temperaments differ greatly in how they do things and what they want to accomplish in parenting. The most common kind of father in the United States is the Guardian. Guardians work hard to provide for their families. They tend to be fiscally conservative. They often motivate themselves to higher achievement by telling themselves to keep improving and never let up. Their goal in parenting is to raise children who know their place in society and are contributing citizens.
Maddi’s father, Patrick, is a Guardian who pushed her hard to get good grades in school. No matter what she accomplished, he was always sure she could do even better. She felt that he never really approved of her. Maddi really wanted a father who would get to know her personally, but that simply wasn’t on her dad’s agenda. For years, she was very angry with him. She finally realized that she was never going to get what she wanted, and she wanted to learn how to appreciate what he did do for her. She discovered that Patrick showed love in a very different way from her way. She finally realized that he was saying he loved her and even respected her when he had saved money for her to go to college, when he had cosigned the loan when she bought her first house, when he’d arranged ‘accidental’ hand-me-downs just when she needed them, and when he saved money for her own children to go to college. Her feelings towards her father changed, and she found it much easier to sincerely appreciate and praise him.
The second most common kind of father is the Artisan. Artisans live in the moment, enjoying life to the fullest right now. They tend to believe that everything will work out in the end and are less prone to worry than most other temperaments. Artisans are flexible and love spontaneity, excitement and surprises. Artisan fathers are likely to push their children physically to help them toughen up. Their goal in parenting is to have fun with their children and to raise courageous adults.
Jen found her Artisan father, Mick, exasperating. When Jen wanted to plan ahead and finish work early, her father told her not to worry, that she had plenty of time. Jen hated having to rely on her father since she knew she’d have to wait until the last minute for everything. Whenever she and Mick played sports, her father was always determined to beat her and wouldn’t hesitate to occasionally use what Jen thought were some underhanded moves. Her father never seemed serious and was always pulling pranks that annoyed her. Jen was glad to move out of the house and make a nice, quiet home for herself. When Jen learned about temperament, she spotted her dad immediately. She began to realize that her father had done a lot of things right. Mick had supported Jen and shown faith in her in many different situations. He had helped his daughter become physically fit. He had encouraged her to take risks when Jen was afraid and was there to help her whatever happened. Eventually, Jen got a friend to teach her a couple of martial arts moves. The next time she visited home, his dad started wrestling with her as usual. Jen used one of the moves and knocked her dad over. Her father was thrilled. Jen had done something unexpected and beaten him.
The third most common type of father is the Idealist. These fathers tend to be the most nurturing. They are the most likely to be in tune with their children. They are usually good at manipulating, generally with good motives. Idealists view parenting as a chance to help a child find out who s/he really is. They want to raise children who know themselves and use their gifts.
Jayme felt embarrassed by her Idealist father, David. David is an artist, working with oils and bronze castings. Jayme didn’t like the way David would wander around in the most bizarre clothing (David said it helped him think outside the box). When Jayme brought her friends to the house, David would sometimes come in and join the conversation and practically take her friends from her. Jayme’s friends usually thought her dad was pretty cool although they almost always commented that he was a little “weird” (which really embarrassed Jayme). David could cry at the drop of a hat which made Jayme very uncomfortable. As Jayme got older, she realized that her father wasn’t so bad. David had supported and encouraged every harebrained idea Jayme ever had and never made her feel stupid. He had offered a lot of emotional support but had tactfully withdrawn any time Jayme made it clear she wanted to solve the problem on her own. David had spent a lot of time playing with Jayme when she was younger. He had also let Jayme in his art studio and given her her own projects to do but wasn’t disappointed when Jayme said that art wasn’t her thing. Jayme still can’t handle the crying, but David’s clothing and schmoozing with all of Jayme’s friends is now something that’s funny and not embarrassing.
The least common type of father is the Rational. Rational fathers want their children to become independent thinkers who can logically explain their point of view. Rational fathers may be somewhat remote emotionally, but they are usually good at talking to their children seriously as equals. They like to excite their child’s imagination, and they encourage a life-long love of learning.
Suzanne felt inadequate in her father, James’, eyes. James was highly intelligent and could cogently argue on almost any topic. No matter what she argued, she couldn’t seem to beat him. It also irritated her that he was so arrogant and certain of his own abilities. He wasn’t emotionally supportive, and she wondered if he really did care for her. After learning about Rationals, Suzanne realized that James had done a great job of encouraging her to choose whatever career she wanted even if it wasn’t a career women were supposed to want. He had constantly sharpened her thinking with games, discussions, puzzles, and humor. She could hold her own with just about anyone except James. As Suzanne learned about Rationals, she realized that her father had spent all that time with her teaching her logic and other things because he felt that she was worth the investment. Her father’s way of showing love for her was to train her for more achievement. James recently told her that his boss had bragged about his son and James had said that Suzanne could take his son any day of the week. Suzanne realized that was high praise and evidence of her father’s love.
Hopefully you recognize your father in one of these descriptions and can identify some positive impacts he has had in your life. Perhaps understanding your father better can help smooth some rough edges in your relationship with him. May you and your dad have a satisfying Father’s Day!
Your can find out more about Temperament - and understand your own, at www.keirsey.com.
Related: temperament, personality, keirsey, fathers day, dads
What Makes a DadGod took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,
He called it ... Dad
~~Author Unknown.~~Happy Father's DayA Dad is a person
who is loving and kind,
And often he knows
what you have on your mind.
He's someone who listens,
suggests, and defends.
A dad can be one
of your very best friends!
He's proud of your triumphs,
but when things go wrong,
A dad can be patient
and helpful and strong
In all that you do,
a dad's love plays a part.
There's always a place for him
deep in your heart.
And each year that passes,
you're even more glad,
More grateful and proud
just to call him your dad!
Thank you, Dad...
for listening and caring,
for giving and sharing,
but, especially, for just being you!
Happy Father's Day
A Father means so many things...
A understanding heart,
A source of strength and of support
Right from the very start.
A constant readiness to help
In a kind and thoughtful way.
With encouragement and forgiveness
No matter what comes your way.
A special generosity and always affection, too
A Father means so many things
When he's a man like you...
~Author Unknown~
QUOTES ABOUT FATHERS"The most important thing a father can do
for his children is to love their mother."
~~Author Unknown"To her the name of father was another name for love."
~~By Fanny Fern.~~"They didn't believe their father had ever been young;
surely even in the cradle he had been a very,
very small man in a gray suit,
with a little dark mustache and flat, incurious eyes."
~~By Richard Shattuck.~~"Fathers, like mothers, are not born.
Men grow into fathers-
and fathering is
a very important stage in their development."
~~By David M. Gottesman.~~"It is a wise father that knows his own child."
~~By William Shakespeare (1564-1616)~~"It doesn't matter who my father was;
it matters who I remember he was."
~~By Anne Sexton (1928-1974) U.S. poet.~~"I cannot think of any need in childhood
as strong as the need for a father's protection."
~~By Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)~~"A Man's children and his garden both reflect the
amount of weeding done during the growing season."
~~Author Unknown.~~"The greatest gift I ever had
Came from God, and I call him Dad!"
~~Author Unknown.